" Maybe , this is me "

-Assalamualaikum-

' you think you know me '

The lappy's watch shows 12.44 a.m and I'm reading my friends' blogs . Even they're not the popular , famous bloggers , I just love to read what they write . I will give their links later , InsyaAllah . Their blog make me thinks that " maybe , this is me " .

I realizes something . Frankly speak , I love when others tell me their problems or share with me their happiness or maybe just have some random talks with me , I just don't care if it's important or not , I will hear what they wanna talk and if they need my words or opinions , I will give and if they need some helps , I will try my best to help them . 

I speak to myself 

BUT , when it comes about me , myself and I . I just can't tell others what I feel especially when it have something to do with hati and perasaan yang melibatkan pihak ke-3 . And it's about something that related with tears and hati yang terluka . I'm off . I don't have enough guts to tell other . Maybe . Or maybe I just sucks in telling those feelings . Or maybe because I want to be seen as a strong girl through others' eyes . Or maybe I just want to tell myself that " You're strong,Nadia " even sometimes only Allah knows what I feel . And it's hell hurting me damn much . But to share with others is , totally , not me . Maybe fews of my girls will know what I feel but it's not the whole story of what I feel  .

I'm an actress of my own theater 

Others might think that I'm a pretender or faker . It's ok because diff people diff thoughts . People live with their thoughts , so do I . So , I just don't really care what other think of me even sometimes I do care but yeah , I'm a pretender and actress of my own movie , I will pretend like I don't care and act like one . Even I'm hell care what they think but acting like I'm not is my part-time job . uh-huh . 

your weakness can be your strength
the ONE and ONLY thing you need
is ... BELIEVE in yourself  :)

One thing I learn from my so-called "kelemahan" ni . MAYBE , Allah creates me as someone who will hear but not tell . The world have to be seimbang , so maybe I'm the one who born this way , to hear . And NOT to tell . If all people are born to hear no one will tell and vice versa , if the whole world are born to tell and no one to hear , this world won't be at peace because everyone are busy to tell others without no one to hear . So , I'm assuming myself as someone that have been choose by HIM to hear . Sometimes I do need someone to talk to but the things that I tell are just pieces of things that I keep to myself . 

just the way I am 

And maybe I was born and grew up to be a listener . I'm the ears to people who need me , insyaAllah :)

I finish write this post at 1.21a.m . Yesterday .

I’m afraid of my own feelings .